Review: Thanksgiving Delight

Details:

Title: Thanksgiving Delight

Author: Rich Rubin

Type of book: Ebook, Erotica

Length: 36 pages

ASIN: B01LLXZHNO

 

Description

Chris and Donna are young married twenty somethings making their annual Thanksgiving weekend with Donna's family. Chris isn't very happy to be there, especially after he almost crosses the line with his sister-in-law Brenda. This leads to some awkward looks between them, until Brenda creates a plan to include her sister and Chris's wife Donna in this little fiasco.  To everyone's surprise this works perfectly. Chris, Brenda, and Donna all get what they want.

 

Review

I hate to be this blunt, but this book is a mess on all fronts, starting with the teaser text. You know something's off when the author can't even get his own characters straight. The main character's wife is called Brenda and her sister Donna. That's not the only mistake which happens in this train wreck. The author happily careens through the times, slipping from past tense to present tense to past tense within the span of a couple sentences, he can't decide if he's writing from the first person point of view or the third and his grasp on punctuation is tenuous at best. Add to that a host of spelling mistakes, and you have an unsightly mess of a story only from technicalities alone.

I could forgive a sloppy mess if it would reward the struggle with a worthwhile plot and characters, but here too the story flounders. Chris is a hypocritical son of a bitch, utterly unlikely and constantly complaining in his mind while playing lovey-dovey sweetheart to his wife's face. Brenda comes across as a ditzy, vapid air-head and her supposedly twenty-something sister acts like a twelve-year-old virgin. I get it, a certain amount of contrivance exists in every porn plot, but in "Thanksgiving Delight", nothing flows naturally, neither plot nor dialogue.

So, looks like a mess, plot is meh, how about the sex then? Sadly, the sex is not much better. The author has yet to progress from describing hand and mouth motions to injecting his proceedings with feeling, emotion and heat. Reading a map of the English Midlands is more titilating than how Brenda uses her husband to teach her sister how to have sex.

I might have been a lot more forgiving if this were a first draft on an internet free story repository, but the author has the gall to charge money for this catastrophe. I would be ashamed to release such an unedited, sloppy mess to the general public. The Internet never forgets, and I'd be horrified to have something like that forever associated with my name.

For the next attempt, try to find an editor before throwing it out there. At least you'd have the technical side of things covered, Rich.

Excerpt

Donna drops her birth control pills and climbs back over the pile of clothes, lying down next to her sister. Reality starts setting in that I’m about to have sex with someone besides Brenda for the first time since we started dating. I know it’s OK, otherwise Brenda wouldn’t be going through this right now. I look over to her beautiful naked body, wishing we could finish what we just started.

“ Donna, are you ready?” Brenda asked her sister.

“I th-think so,” stuttered Donna.

“Sis, it’ll be OK. Chris is a gentle lover. Chris, keep standing there for a second. Donna, I’m gonna help you put this condom on him,” said Brenda as she unwrapped the condom and handed it to her sister.

“You take this, and roll it down his shaft like this.” Donna continued unrolling the condom onto me.

“Looks like you’re both ready. Donna, go ahead and lie down. Chris, you can start with missionary. Sis, just let him know if you want to try anything else . I’ll just be over here taking care of my own needs,” said Brenda.

I kneel next to Donna and begin kissing her from her stomach until I reach her lips. She pulls me tight with a passionate kiss. I adjust how I’m lying on her to free up one hand so I can finger her while we kiss. Donna’s hips match the motion of my hands, and I think she’s ready. I stop fingering her to grab her hand, guiding it down to my cock. “Go ahead,” I said. “I want you to be the one who puts it in.” We continue kissing, and I can feel her awkwardly try to position my cock in her. Just then, magic! “Woah, that’s different!” Donna screamed. I start thrusting, slow at first to make sure she’s OK. Soon our rhythm picks up. You can hear our skin slapping against each other, until I pull her tight as I lose my load. I hold her for a bit longer, barely thrusting as my erection disappears. Her grip on me gets tighter, like she doesn’t want to let me go. “Are you OK?” I ask. “I so totally felt that,” she replied. “It was like a squirt gun went off inside me.”

 

 

Title, Description and cover1
Characters1
Story, Plot and Action3
Steaminess1
Bang for the Buck0
X-Factor0
I'm really sorry to lean into the author so hard, but even as a free story, this train wreck would be unacceptable. It's an unedited, unerotic mess. Better luck next time.
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